Well, I was going to sit down and write a proper parenting manifesto, like the ones that recently appeared on Rebel Dad’s site, but then I read some of the ones on Rebel Dad and asked myself “Why not just direct people over there?” (Hence the link above)

So here’s something else instead:

10 Ways to Freak Out as a Father

OR

How to Make Life Miserable for You and Everyone Else You Come in Contact with (in 10 Easy Steps)

1. Demand perfection from your child. After all, they came from your genetic stock, didn’t they?
2. In the unfortunate circumstance that your child isn’t perfect, blame your partner. After all, she contributed some of the genetic stock too!
3. Expect yourself to be perfect. For example, expect yourself to wear 6 or 7 “hats” at once; expect yourself to act sane when you have had an average of an hour’s sleep each night for the past month. You get the picture…
4. Then again, other people will probably make a lot of crazy demands of you, so feel free to make excuses for why you can’t always be responsible or proactive.
5. Keep all your anxiety, anger and confusion bottled up inside until you can’t contain it anymore. That seems to work for so many other men, doesn’t it?
6. Now that you have a baby or toddler, convince yourself that the reason why your wife doesn’t show you as much affection any more is because she doesn’t love you, thinks you’re a pain, has become really really thoughtless, or suddenly finds you unattractive.
7. Let yourself believe that the lack of bedroom boogie going on means the end of life as you know it and is the perfect justification for seeking the attentions of other women at the office, the squash court or even at the supermarket.
8. As your children grow older, speak harshly and disrespectfully to them constantly. This (we’ve been told) will develop strong morals in them and teach them to treat you with respect.
9. Whatever you do, if you have to play with your kids, for goodness sake don’t let them choose the game! They might beat you or else have some form of fun that doesn’t make sense to your generation
10. If the kid whines, give him what he wants. It’s the only way to stop him.