WARNING: Gratuitous toilet humor ahead. Proceed at own risk.

When I was a boy, the word “fart” was a very naughty swear word in middle-class suburban Melbourne. Now it’s joined such words as crap and damn in being a mild form of swearin’.

What’s more, when I were young, farts were most definitely not funny - to adults that is! My freinds and I of course thought they were hilarious, capturing many on tape and learning to light them where possible (ok, I didn’t attempt that one, but my braver freinds did - and no burns!).

Around our parents however, we’d have to resort to codewords like bottom burp, fluff, trouser ghost and stepping on a duck. If we said the word fart, made a joke about farts or laughed at our parents letting one rip, it’d be a clip over the ear or an angry tirade. [I still know a lady who is in her 40s and is horrified when her kids use the word (or even the word bum) - yet strangely, she has no problem with her kids manipulating other people, subjects them to some serious passive smoking and thinks the word crap is ok - i don't get it...] Anyway, where was I?

Now that I have kids I’m not nearly so (oh, dear, here comes the slightly crass pun) … anal … about farts.

But I’d never thought of blogging about them until I came across a network of blogs and other sites devoted to them . And so I present the cream of the crap crop to you, in the hope that:

a) you will get a much-needed laugh, and

b) you’ll be able to bond with your kids by using them…

The Fart Game - kill as many rats with your cute little rabbit’s farts as you can in the time limit. This is definitely one for Dad and the kids! Strangely addictive…

Facts on Farts - says it’s the original Facts on Farts. I didn’t know there were copies! This is vital for people who need answers to questions like “Do fish fart?”, “Do turtles fart?”, “Why do horses’ farts smell worse than peoples?” and (crucial question) “Is it harmful to hold farts in?” (apparently there’s two schools of thought on that one). I have saved this page in my favourites so that when my sons have a school project on the digestive system, they’ll have some information that will earn them extra credit…

Fart Techniques - probably not one to show the kids, I won’t be held responsbile for the results if you do.

Create a Fart - looking for an e-card with a difference? Try this.

And here is my fave: The Belgian Farting Pig video - I still can’t get the hang of posting YouTube vids on my site, so use the link. It’s well worth the click!

What’s that? You find all this offensive? Hey, if you want a classy blog, go to Great Circle. That guy loves the serious stuff.