Dad Punners’ Society

 Ok, this post’s title is a really bad word-play on Dead Poets’ Society, but then that makes the point of this post nicely. Fathers have a really really bad habit of using puns to appear clever, squeeze a laugh from our kids, or bond with others.

 

Eventually, the puns begin to become embarrassingly bad (or tired) and yet we don’t seem to be able to let go of the blighters! It’s like we’re addicted or possessed by an evil pun-spirit or something. I mean all this pun-making is a funny thing (ok, play the sound).

Some men even push the Pun Wagon harder to force a laugh, as if repetition of the same old joke will make it funny. Puns seem like (and are)  an appropriate level of humour, as well as a valuable intellectual-development tool for children around 5-9 years old … but when we’re still using them on our adolescent ‘children’, we’re never going to get more than a polite chuckle, and more likely a groan followed by eyes rolling upward in their teenage sockets.

We’ve already had a post recently where we shared Dad Jokes. Let’s now turn to Dad Puns.

How did YOUR Dad do this? What were his best/worst? And (shudder) are you now that Dad, perpetrating Pun Abuse upon YOUR children??

Here’s just 2 of my own Dad’s classics (remembered affectionately of course!):

• Every time we drove past a cemetary (and we passed one every Saturday), we’d hear “That’s the Dead Center of town”.
• When we’d ask for something he couldn’t afford that week (I know how that feels!), and we were silly enough to ask why we couldn’t have it, he invariably reply: “Like marriage, it’s a matrimony” (= matter-of-money).

I only remember 2 because the rest have been suppressed by Dissociative Amnesia.

Am I a perpetrator of this evil upon my children? Well, I must admit, that around my older son I’ve moved beyond the puns (but returned to clownish Monty-Python-like silliness- which is probably just as bad). But I still use them with Youngest Son.

MadCow has already contributed the following two in an earlier comment (and apparently her dad practised the “dead center” one without mercy for years):

• “How’s your chicken? Mine’s fowl!”
• “Who pea’d on the floor?” (when a pea rolls off the dinner plate onto the floor)

So. What were some of your father’s favourites? And which ones do you use on your kids?

[And if you're reading, Dad, keep 'em coming!]

Human Tetris – Japanese Style

I so want to play this! You may have seen this on Youtube or elsewhere, but for those who haven’t: enjoy!

Got Time For Blog-Surfing this Weekend?

If you’re like me, sometime on the weekend you gotta go blogsurfing. Sometimes you’re looking to pick up serious material. Other times, you just want to laugh, or marvel at wierdness, or see something that’s just plain interesting.

Here’s my pick of  posts/sites I enjoyed most in the last few days (not in particular order – don’t get hung up on the numbering, Markk, you haven’t won anything just because you’re first!):

1. In the Future, When Robots Have Killed All Humans (warning Will Robinson: there’s a rude word in this one)
2. What To Do With 3 Decades of Crappy Hanna Barbara Cartoons? by Bad Dad – laugh out loud funny clip from Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law
3. The Traffic Cone Preservation Society site is a must for people wanting to understand the evolution of traffic cones and those needing a field guide (ala bird-spotting). Thanks to Say No To Crack for the link. [See picture above] 
4. A Diaper Changing Primer for New Fathers – the instructions begin like this: Step 1: Check your watch. How much time until your wife comes home?  You can instantly see this really is written by one of us.
5. Robot Chicken: Star Wars – because you can never have too many Star Wars Parodies…
6. This one’s actually from last month, but I keep thinking about it and chuckling: Leah MacLean posts us a beautiful video response to those smarmy Mac ads we’re getting bombarded with on TV. (Warning: more rude words)
7. What I Learned From Homer Simpson About Jobs

A few Dad Jokes that your Kids May (or may not) Like

Want to tell your kids some jokes with a twist? I’ve added two soundfiles you can play at will as you read these jokes and the ones in the comments section. You can’t have jokes without these:

Bad Joke Sound

Cool Joke Sound

1. What happened to the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer? He got a little behind with his orders!

2. What are seagulls that live by the bay? BAGELS

3. I was told that cow tongue is a delicacy, but I have a hard time tasting something that is tasting me back.

4. Two cows are standing in a field. The first one asks “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease?” The second one responds “It doesn’t worry me, I’m a duck”.

5. What do you call an Amish man with his hand in a horse’s butt? A mechanic.

6. Why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze!

7. A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Give me a beer and a mop.”

8. It was so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog. (Thanks to Rodney Dangerfield I think for this one)

9. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

 This last one was told to me by my kids, so chances are it’ll get some laughs at the dinner table. Then again…

Bad Dad chipped in these jokes for me:

Q. What’s yellow and points to the North?
A. A magnetic banana.

Q. Why did the chicken want to play in the band?
A. ‘Cause he had the drum sticks.

And Jonathan gave us this one, one which makes me groan in pain!

A guy walks into a bar…He should have ducked.

How could you inflict this one on defenceless children, Jonathan?

(Got any more?)

Be Cool: Don’t Be Cool

Let’s face it, when you’re over 40, with a bit of a pot belly, hair beginning to thin, laugh-lines moving inexorably toward your ears – and especially when your jaw is fast becoming jowls – it’s embarrassing to try to be as cool like your kids.

It’s hard for a lot of men (and women) to admit “Once upon a time, I was cool.” 

I’m not saying Alternadad is wrong. (I agree with his concern to not become “uptight or out of touch” simply because he was becoming a father – although I find it funny that he prides himself on being able to tell the difference between the Ramones and the Sex Pistols… hey, not exactly contemporary bands…).

 

I’m not saying Dad’s can’t surf, listen to emo music, or get a piercing. Be yourself, be funny, be playful. Be alive.

… just don’t act 13 when you’re 43!

It’s like the guy who tried to impress his son but got arrested in Boston last month (thanks to A Suburban Mom for the story). Or the great (although possibly fictitious) dialogue posted at College Humor between a university student, his Dad and one of his mates. It’s well worth the read and includes the following perfect example of what I’m talking about … and with this, I finish:

John: Nice to meet you, Mr. Peterson.
Dad: Word. Better yet: Phrase.
John: Huh?
Dad: Exactly. You are my dog.
Son: Dad, what the hell are you talking about?
Dad: Check it out, son. I got this new Nintendo Wheat System.
Son: It’s called a Wii. Pronounced “Wee.”
Dad: Oh, fat. Fat. So, what’s up for tonight? Are you boys going to be hollering at some shorties?

Boys and Movement

This is another chunk of an Ian Lillico article. Ian’s co-founder of Boys Forward and you can see the last article I posted  about his material to get all the links…

Boys convert feelings to movement. Little boys get onto their tricycles, then bicycles, and then cars, as they grow older, when they have an emotion or feeling to deal with. They go to the gym and work out. This has been the case from the earliest of times and both parents and teachers must realize this natural need of boys and men. Boys need space and need the opportunity to move when faced with issues or problems and when dealing with their emotions and anxieties.

Research now indicates that movement can, in fact, re-kindle feelings. When mothers or fathers engage in action-oriented activities with their sons, their boys begin to open up and talk. The same applies to teachers and their male students. Do something with him – something he enjoys – in the middle of it, he will often reveal the problem that is concerning him. When your son comes home from school, throws his bag into the corner and says, “I hate school”, questioning him will often produce little response. Go for a walk around the block with the dog, kick a football with him outside, or engage in some activity he enjoys, and during this time he will often disclose the issue, which is causing him concern.

In particular, we must become sensitive to the early signs of feelings being masked, such as bad grades, rowdy behaviour, depression, seeming quiet, drugs/alcohol, perpetrator or victim of violence with the attitude “everything is fine”. Try to stay close when your son is wearing his mask. Harold Hulbert states ” Children need love – especially when they don’t deserve it”

I’ve written about similar things in the posts Connecting with Your Kids, Episode 1 and  my (amateurish) experiment with podcasting . If you’re a Dad and you’re a couch potato (as I am always tempted to be), unfortunately the message is: Fathering involves movement. Particularly if you have boy or three.

Anyway, Ian’s insights into the active nature of boys is helpful on lots of levels I think…

Kids with Guns

I think this photo deserves to be part of a Caption Contest. (These are real weapons)

 

See if you can come up with a caption that suits…

The Office of “Dad” in the Media…

For about thirty years, fathers have been getting a bad reputation via fictional media.

From the self-centred incompetents Homer Simpson & Tim the Toolman to the evil fathers of John Lock (Lost) & Luke Skywalker (you know that black-armoured dude in the Star Wars films?)…

… to the just plain yobbos like Al Bundy, not to mention the missing fathers from about 20 years of Disney films (see Toy Story I & II, Treasure Planet, Lilo and Stitch, etc). These are the role models many of us have had to guide our own fathering by.

When you really take a look at the abundance of these Bad Dad characters (sorry Roland!), it seems Baby Boomer and Gen X screenwriters really have it in for the role of father.

And so the character of Jonathan Kent in Smallville (above) is/was a refreshing break with this ‘tradition’. Thoroughly engaged with his son (Clark), in love with his wife (Martha), putting his money where his mouth is, physically strong, acting on his values, holding his clearly-communicated values up to his son and holding Clark to keeping them, protective and wise, imperfect and wounded, charitable and willing to fight when necessary – he may be fictional but that’s the kind of character I can aspire to as a Dad.

And he marks a turn in the tide of father characters as movies like Barnyard revive the concept of the noble Dad, which gives me hope that maybe our generation can revive the practise of it…

And then there’s the story of “Team Hoyt“, one of whose videos I posted recently. Dick Hoyt embodies the qualitites of manhood and fatherhood that we all can aspire to

If Even the Professionals Get it Wrong, Then It Must Be Ok for the Rest of Us…

If you love the music of (newly re-formed) The Police as much as I do, you may be interested in this post by drummer Stewart Copeland in which he fesses up to how poorly executed their first gig was.

I dunno, folks. I received some sort of perverse reassurance from this; I guess I think “If they can screw up so royally, and still keep going, it’s ok for the rest of us.”