It’s just as the title says, though now this is version 2.0 of the post. I’ve now added two soundfiles you can play at will as you read these jokes and the ones in the comments section. You can’t have jokes without these:
1. What happened to the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer? He got a little behind with his orders!
2. What are seagulls that live by the bay? BAGELS
3. I was told that cow tongue is a delicacy, but I have a hard time tasting something that is tasting me back.
4. Two cows are standing in a field. The first one asks “Aren’t you worried about this mad cow disease?” The second one responds “It doesn’t worry me, I’m a duck”.
5. What do you call an Amish man with his hand in a horse’s butt? A mechanic.
6. Why do sharks live in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
7. A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Give me a beer and a mop.”
8. It was so hot that I saw two trees fighting over a dog. (Thanks to Rodney Dangerfield I think for this one)
9. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
This last one was told to me by my kids, so chances are it’ll get some laughs at the dinner table. Then again…
Bad Dad chipped in these jokes for me:
Q. What’s yellow and points to the North?
A. A magnetic banana.Q. Why did the chicken want to play in the band?
A. ‘Cause he had the drum sticks.
And Jonathan gave us this one, one which makes me groan in pain!
A guy walks into a bar…He should have ducked.
How could you inflict this one on defenceless children, Jonathan?
(Got any more?)
8 responses so far ↓
themolk // Jun 22, 2007 at 3:31 pm
There’s a list, man, but I’ll give you a couple of my favourites…
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the duck fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the koala.
Why did the platypus fall out of the tree?
Because platypuses have no business being in tress to start with.
Why did the emu fall out of the tree?
Because it was hit by a falling koala that had a duck stapled to it.
… I love series gags. This next one is old as and works great - kids I’ve told it to inevitably adapt it and the gag goes forever…
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-
MOO!
You have to interrupt that last line of the respondent with the moo… kids dig it, but it is the pinnacle of “bad dad jokes” for mine. It’s a great one to send the kids to school with on “bring a joke day”, as at least the teachers will get a laugh. It’s all about teaching them the secret of comedy (timing, people)…
Pete // Jun 22, 2007 at 4:28 pm
The ol’ interrupting cow gag. That’s one of those you have to hear to truly get the genius. Just like:
Dad: Son, do you know what the secret of comedy is?
Son: Wh-?
Dad: Timing.
You have to hear the interruption to get it. Maybe we need to podcast some of these, Steve.
I’ve added two appropriate sound effects at the top of the post. I think you should play them as you read these…
Jonathan // Jun 23, 2007 at 12:31 am
Pete, my students are very upset at you for this post and especially for the sound effects. I’ve been calling kids up to the desk all day to tell them a joke followed by the appropriate sound effect.
I’m not sure if the effects will ever get old.
Thank you, so much!
Pete // Jun 23, 2007 at 9:53 am
All part of the service, my friend. What you’ve described paints a very funny picture.
Pete // Jun 25, 2007 at 2:55 pm
The latest one I received from my 7 year-old this morning is as follows.
Q. What do you call a cow that eats grass?
A. A lawn-moo-er
I find this funny because cows DO eat grass, so it’s kinda like “Shouldnt the answer be ‘cow’?”
Mad Cow // Jun 28, 2007 at 1:50 pm
Ah the inevitable Dad Joke. Was wondering when you were gonna get around to these ….
LOL
My DH’s fave is, when you drive past a cemetary “there’s the dead centre of *insert name of town you are driving through here*”
He gets really annoyed, however, when I get in before him. He thinks I’m trying to be funny.
I’m really trying to shut him up
Chef Dad Jokes are pretty good too….
“How’s your chicken? Mines fowl (foul)”
Bloody hilarious! (Excuse me while I shoot myself for a moment, won’t you?)
Oh, and “Who pea’d on the floor?” (when the peas roll of the plate, or are thrown by a 4yo, and who in their right mind give their 4yo peas anyway? Is it dads who just wanna get a joke in?)
Thanks, Pete, might extend my DH’s repertior of jokes for about 5 mins
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Pete // Jun 28, 2007 at 5:34 pm
Alright you’ve got the next post organised for me…
Bad Dad » Blog Archive » Jokes To Tell Your Kids // Jul 1, 2007 at 4:18 am
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