As I’ve said before, I have boys, not girls. This is good for me. I can wrestle with them and not have to worry about breaking one of their lacquered fingernails or accidentally garrotting them with their own necklace.
At Christmas and birthday times, I can cruise toy aisles with action figures, projectile weapons and lightsabers, not ones with Barbies, dolls that soil their nappies (what the hell kinda toy is that??) and Bratz-es.
As a father of sons, I do understand many of the emotions and strivings and battles of fathers with daughters, simply because they’re generic. But there are obviously so so many gender-specific challenges and developmental issues to walk through (and nuances) that I offer a respectful “Hurrah!” to the men who are writing about raising daughters (and doing it well) out there.
2 of the Dads I know that have written about this (at fatheredfive and at deathbychildren), both have very different parenting and writing styles, and both have drawn me into their experience.
Jonathan Pippenger (who for some bizarre reason, I keep calling Pillinger every time I start writing down his name) often writes about the trials, tribulations and occasional triumphs of raising a teenage step-daughter.
Here’s a quick refererral to more great resources and articles out there…
- What Do Fathers Need from Daughters? at Fatheredfive.
- Dads and Daughters is an organisation that takes this relationship seriously as well as seeing the fun in it. Their site includes a quiz which asks you about things like this: “I protest negative media portrayals of girls” and “I comment on my daughter’s weight”.
- The 5 Needs of Daughters
2 responses so far ↓
Tyson // Jul 30, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Thanks for this post. I am going to go back and read the articles and blogs you have linked. I have a 4 year old girl and a 6 month old boy, I understand there are generic emotions, strivings, and battles with children, and I try to encourage my children the same. I want my daughter to be as confident and aggressive as I want my son to be. In the end I definitely know that even though I try to encourage and interact with my children the same, they are different - and I hope it is their personality differences, not their gender difference that sways my parenting style.
Joe // Jul 31, 2007 at 2:38 pm
Thanks for the link, Pete.
Tyson, I know how you feel; I once bristled when my oldest daughter (now 15) was 2, and a neighbor boy (also 2, maybe 3) told her she couldn’t play with him. “You’re just a girl,” he insisted. I wanted to go out and pick him up by his hair. “You’re. Just. A. Kid.” I would have said. Kidding. I’m not really given to violence.
But Tyson, why should gender difference be a less valid reason for altering your parenting style than personality difference? You may be reacting with guilt to the pressure of the last 3-4 decades to blur gender distinctions. But recent research proves conclusively that there are deep-seated neurological differences that distinguish them, even before birth. That boys’ and girls’ brains are very different should lead as naturally to different approaches in parenting as do their personality differences. It’s time we stopped pretending that is not the case.
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