Comments on: On the 8th Day of Christmas: Holidays and Non-custodial Dads http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/ Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:45:24 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 By: Pete http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-919 Pete Wed, 19 Dec 2007 21:08:54 +0000 http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/12/19/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/#comment-919 Gentlemen thanks for those helpful comments. Some great ideas, Bryan, you seem to take a really positive approach. We have a cricket term in Australia about playing off the front foot or the back foot. When the batter hits a shot leaning forward (front foot), he's attacking, he's taking control. Generally off the back foot or on the back foot means he's defensive, letting the guy bowling (pitching) push him around. Sounds like you're on the front foot all the way. And Jonathan, I too was child of (let's use Bryan's term) part-time Dad (though I know he thought of us daily). Because he saw so little of us, he put a lot into the week we would spend with him around Christmas (never on the Day itself). He was a school teacher and had been a pastor, so he'd do stuff like a little kids talk (5 minutes' worth) where he might tell the Christmas story from one of the incidental characters or get us to do some kind of tactile activity and then bring a quick message from it for us). I can't remember ever really engaging deeply with those things BUT they certainly ADDED something to Christmas and shaped my understanding of Christmas to this day. I guess my point is I'm with you on the "extra". There were things he'd never have done if he were still "at home" with us. Good conversation fellas! Gentlemen thanks for those helpful comments. Some great ideas, Bryan, you seem to take a really positive approach. We have a cricket term in Australia about playing off the front foot or the back foot. When the batter hits a shot leaning forward (front foot), he’s attacking, he’s taking control. Generally off the back foot or on the back foot means he’s defensive, letting the guy bowling (pitching) push him around.

Sounds like you’re on the front foot all the way.

And Jonathan, I too was child of (let’s use Bryan’s term) part-time Dad (though I know he thought of us daily). Because he saw so little of us, he put a lot into the week we would spend with him around Christmas (never on the Day itself). He was a school teacher and had been a pastor, so he’d do stuff like a little kids talk (5 minutes’ worth) where he might tell the Christmas story from one of the incidental characters or get us to do some kind of tactile activity and then bring a quick message from it for us). I can’t remember ever really engaging deeply with those things BUT they certainly ADDED something to Christmas and shaped my understanding of Christmas to this day.

I guess my point is I’m with you on the “extra”. There were things he’d never have done if he were still “at home” with us.

Good conversation fellas!

]]> By: bryan http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-917 bryan Wed, 19 Dec 2007 16:49:54 +0000 http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/12/19/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/#comment-917 It's tough, especially those first couple years after the seperation. I made sure to include my son with decorating the house. We started building ginger bread houses every year, something new for a new tradition. I also made sure not to step on traditions made by the ex-. They are important to him, and me saying no if I had him on that specific night, wouldn't help. I call myself a part time dad...always with tounge in cheek. It’s tough, especially those first couple years after the seperation. I made sure to include my son with decorating the house. We started building ginger bread houses every year, something new for a new tradition. I also made sure not to step on traditions made by the ex-. They are important to him, and me saying no if I had him on that specific night, wouldn’t help.

I call myself a part time dad…always with tounge in cheek.

]]> By: jonathan http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/comment-page-1/#comment-918 jonathan Wed, 19 Dec 2007 13:47:06 +0000 http://www.freakedoutfathers.com/2007/12/19/on-the-8th-day-of-christmas-holidays-and-non-custodial-dads/#comment-918 Non-custodial Dad...better term...hmmm...positive words... Vacation Home Dad? It is a hard word to spin. On a different note, I don't know if I have any tips, but I can offer some perspective to fathers, from one that was once a child with a non-custodial father. When we went to my father's during the Christmas season ( I was the oldest of the kids) we didn't really have many traditions established yet, that we could remember, so new ones kind of grew on their own. But, the thing that I remembered as a kid was all the extra Christmas celebrations. One with my mom, one with my mom's parents, one with my dad and step mom, one with my dad's father and wife, one with my dad's mother, and one with my step-mother's parents. As a child I never felt I was missing out, instead I felt like I was getting extra. So, I guess what I'm saying is that if you are a non-custodial father, take heart in the fact that your child might actually see the visit to your house as a holiday bonus. Non-custodial Dad…better term…hmmm…positive words… Vacation Home Dad? It is a hard word to spin.

On a different note, I don’t know if I have any tips, but I can offer some perspective to fathers, from one that was once a child with a non-custodial father. When we went to my father’s during the Christmas season ( I was the oldest of the kids) we didn’t really have many traditions established yet, that we could remember, so new ones kind of grew on their own. But, the thing that I remembered as a kid was all the extra Christmas celebrations. One with my mom, one with my mom’s parents, one with my dad and step mom, one with my dad’s father and wife, one with my dad’s mother, and one with my step-mother’s parents.

As a child I never felt I was missing out, instead I felt like I was getting extra. So, I guess what I’m saying is that if you are a non-custodial father, take heart in the fact that your child might actually see the visit to your house as a holiday bonus.

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