Steppin’ Up to the Plate

 My Fellow Father, when it comes to parenting, don’t let life pressure you to “sit this one out”.

As one writer says: “Fathers Are Primary Parents!”  There ain’t no 2nd fiddle in the Parenting Orchestra. (Sorry, that was a wierd analogy, didn’t really work, I’ve now mixed the sporting and music metaphors, I should have cut it out!)…

Here are some excerpts from Patty Wipfler’s “Primary Parents” article:

Dads get a raw deal. The pressure to earn a living often has a desperate thread woven through it: there’s a sense that if you don’t provide, dire things will happen to your family! We live in a society in which the lack of any safety net for families translates to a feeling of “life and death” for Dads around work issues. And when work must be pursued in a worrisome way, exhaustion is not far behind. Long hours, worry, heavy expectations, an ever more uncertain working environment, and the threat of poverty all make it harder to enjoy our children. It’s also hard to think independently about ourselves as Dads and as men: what do we want to do with our lives, how do we really want to live, what’s important to us?

One point that’s important to clarify is that fathers are absolutely primary parents. Children want, need, and love their Daddies. Some children grow up without the benefit of a Dad, and they manage well, but you need to know that, whatever your parenting circumstance, your child wants you close!

Children often look like they favor their Moms, and that when the chips are down, it’s Mom they want to stroke their forehead or kiss their hurt or listen to the tale of their hard day. But this is usually just the result of cultural circumstance: Mom is nearby more often when the chips are down, because in our culture, Dad usually spends more time at work. (In families in which the Dad stays home, the children gravitate to him in hard times, and it’s the Mom who has to work to keep from living on the emotional outskirts of the family.) You don’t have to remain on the emotional outskirts of your children’s lives!

… Listening to each other, hearing other Dads talk about parenting and about what’s important to them is a first step to climbing out of living under obligation. Just hearing how life is for other Dads can help bring a sense of perspective to our lives…

What helps children grow close are simple things any Dad can do:

• Your children love play, especially physical play.
• Your children want you to listen to their feelings, not to correct them.When children have played all-out, they feel safe enough to bring up heavy emotions.
• Your children want your life to be good.Go ahead and set limits that you think make sense, limits that allow your life to be good, too.

I recommend a full read of the article to see how Patty develops these ideas.

Ultimately, this reminded me that we Dads need to step up to the “crease” (if we’re in a cricketing country like Australia or the UK) or up to the “plate” (if baseball is your game of choice). We need to engage. Today. No one’s going to do our job for us … and women can’t. (Yes, they can parent. Duh! But they can’t father, and nor should they have to).

Enjoy your kids today…