What I Learned from the Bass Player

There’s this bloke. He’s a very very good mate of mine. He and I played in a band in the early 90’s - we formed the rhythm section: he played bass, I played drums. Even wrote a song together. (Damn fine song too!).

To protect his identity (coz I don’t have his permission to use his name) I’ll call him BP (bass-player; inventive huh?)

When Bob Hruzek of Middlezone Musings asked for contributions to his latest group writing project, WHAT I LEARNED FROM PEOPLE, I thought of “BP“.

When we were in the band together, I was a single dropkick guy while he was married with 2 kids under ten. I often stayed the weekend with his wonderful family and I think it’s from BP that I learned 3 basics of being a great Dad. What follows is what I learned from observing his interactions with his awesome kids (who are now teenagers who absolutely dote on their middleaged pop)…

1. Physical contact is essential.

BP was regularly and often physically affectionate with both children, a girl and a boy. The boy wasn’t treated with that emotional distance that some men use to “toughen the boy up”. (He wasn’t mollycoddled either). But it was refreshing for me to see a real man who wasn’t afraid to cuddle and kiss and play-wrestle with his kids.

This made them far more secure as human beings and has bonded them to Dad deeply…

2. Take the sting out with humour

When there was a tough time or a small injury, BP was quick with humour. Not to trivialise the moment or the pain. But enough humour to help the child see the lighter side, or to help their endorphins kick in, or to stop it from affecting them more deeply than it needed to.

BP’s wicked funniness also encouraged me to intentionally build a sense of humour into my boys from infancy and I’m pleased with the results in that. It’s a quality of character in a father that can minimise anxiety in the home and make homelife a wonderful thing…

3. Full attention

I also noted that whenever one of the children wanted to talk,  they had his full attention. Even when Dad asked them to wait because he was talking to someone else, the request was delivered with empathy and kindly. Because of that, they never acted up to try and prove to themselves that Dad cared; they knew he did. 

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BP, thanks so much for your contribution to my life and to the quality of life of my boys.