Have Kids, Will Write…
March 31, 2008
ABCs: T is for Trakkie Daks
March 26, 2008
It’s been a while but Aussie ABCs is back!
Other Aussies feel free to add to this list, but keep it clean, alright?
T
Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people
Technicolor yawn : vomit
Tee-up : (verb) to set up (e.g. an appointment)
Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals (You get embarrassing misunderstandings with this one); New Zealanders call these jandles, ‘ey?
Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself
Tinny : can of beer
Togs : swim suit
Too right! : definitely!
Top End : far north of Australia
Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants – the uniform of suburban parents everywhere…
Trackies : track suit
Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the tropics (not used very often anymore).
Truckie : truck driver
True blue : patriotic
Tucker : food
Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink
Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge
Steven Wright – circa 1989
March 24, 2008
Hope this makes up for yesterday’s post.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQRxW-tRpcI[/youtube]
What The – ?!
March 23, 2008
Sorry about that…
Diaper Primer
March 20, 2008
I read a piece recently outlining a male approach to handling dirty nappies/diapers. The 
more I read, the more I saw myself in this. Here’s a preview…
… Eventually, as you baby-sit more and more, the child will at one time or another emit an odoriferous cloud that will permeate the entire room. This is your first clue of a dirty diaper.
Step 1: Check your watch. How much time until your wife comes home? …
Step 2: Ascertain the extent of damage. Smell does not always correlate with damage. …
… Step 8: When your wife arrives home, do not brag about your abilities. She will call upon you to exercise these skills more and more.
I love it! If you’re at that stage of your development as a Dad, go read the rest of A Diaper Changing Primer.
Teacher v. Parent?
March 13, 2008
I was listening to a conversation between a teachers’ advocate and a parenting “expert” on the radio today. They were chatting constructively about how to build a partnership between parent and teacher, rather than taking an adversarial approach.
Let’s face it, if you’re kid’s been in grade school for more than a day, they’ve probably told you a story about a teacher that made you furious: “How dare they do that to my child! What kind of neanderthal turkeys do they employ at that school?!”
I could tell some really crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things teachers have done at both the schools my boys have attended. But then again, my boys could also tell you crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things their Dad has done.
And some of it would be true:
“Did you know my Dad fed me Cocopops then got angry at me when I got hyperactive?”
“Miss Hoover, did you know my Dad kicked the dog!”
Sorry Dog lovers, but if you knew our dog you might forgive me that momentary lapse of compassion. But it wasn’t good modelling for my kids and I regret it… Probably wasn’t good for the dog either, now I think of it…
Anyway. During the course of that radio conversation, the host said that she’d attended a Parent Information night at which one of the teachers made the following lighthearted comment, which I think has a very keen edge to it:
“We’ll believe 1/2 of what we hear about you,
if you believe 1/2 of what you hear about us.”
Hmm, food for thought?
We know a boy who told his teacher that his family had been evicted and were living in their car. This was in first grade. Glad the concerned teacher took it with a grain of salt.
For the most part, our teachers do stellar jobs in an increasingly difficult situation. I think the default setting for our relationship with our child’s teacher should always be to cooperate and work together with them, based on a mutual care for our child and the values we share, rather than those which separate us.
For more, here’s a helpful article on the subject.
How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher
And hey…
Tell us about your experiences of negotiating and building partnership with your children’s teachers.
Obscure Lightbulb Jokes
March 11, 2008
I cleaned up Great Circle this week. As in, I took out the obscure and “unprofessional” content. And seeing as THIS blog is intentionally obscure and unprofessional, I’ll simply transplant some of it over here. Sins of the Fathers (& Mothers!)
March 8, 2008
George Bernard Shaw once wrote:
“We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.”
Studying many families, workplaces and even nations, we can see the truth of this as human beings simply recycle the faults, mistakes and sometimes outright wrongdoing of past generations.
Often I have heard new parents make this commitment: “Now I have kids, I’m not going to make the same mistakes my parents did!” I know I said that.
Sadly, in the years that follow, we often go on to do one of two things: either we fall into the same pattern as our own parents (replicating those “mistakes”) or they create a whole new method of achieving the same negative results (repackaging the faults they so despised).
And when this happens, it’s frustrating and deflating!
Replicating behaviour we despised is easy to achieve! It merely requires us to follow the pattern we were given, to fail to assess or reflect on our own behaviour, to justify it or blame others, and to refrain from seeking new ways of responding to the world. Replicating is easily understood; it refers to Cats in the Cradle situations.
Repackaging the negative behaviour is a lot more subtle. It stems from reacting strongly against the status quo without rejecting its underlying principles.
Political revolutions often generate the same abuses of power, violence and corruption they once opposed because they embrace wielding power as the means of change. And we know the saying about power corrupting…
Imagine a man whose parents pressured him into a predetermined career path – discouraging him from exploring his interest in music. He reacts by bundling his son off to a team sport, an individual sport and music lessons every week, and steering away from an academic focus. While it may look good on paper, this lifestyle of hurry is beginning to prompt resentment from the boy and an emotional distance is developing between them. This man can recognise the symptoms but can’t work out what’s causing them. By his yardstick, he’s nothing like his parents – in actual fact he has simply repackaged their values. Both generations do what they do partly because they want the world to think of them as excellent parents, giving their son the perfect start in life – but they both mistake of leaving the child out of the decision-making process.
When you see these sorts of generational cycles appearing in your family life, consider the following ideas as starting points for resolving them:
- Honour the good in your parents, by uncovering it, dwelling on it, appreciating it. That simple choice may help you replicate and repackage their positive values, actions and examples.
- Investigate (don’t guess!) the causes of their negative values and behaviours. Understand them rather than judging them.
- Test yourself to see if you own the same underlying principles (or values) that lead to the “bad behaviour”. Do you also believe in “keeping up with the Joneses” even though you practise it in a different way to your parents? Do you force your children to comply – even though you use your superior intellect to gain your kids’ compliance rather than the belt that your father wielded to gain yours?
- Insert new input. Sometimes by introducing new behaviour or a new thought into your home, you will unravel the poor patterns that have developed. This could be as simple as deciding you will no longer cram parenting, cleaning and home office tasks into the dinner-bedtime period. Also experiment with changes to the environment that remove/reduce the triggers for “bad behaviour” (yours, your spouse’s and your kids’).
- Research and practise alternative responses to the responses you have employed. Give yourself time and be consistent with making a change before tackling the next one. Allow yourself to fail even as you learn. Seek the support of trustworthy people in the process.
- Make a decision about WHO you want to be in your home. Consciously adopt the identity or role that is best.
- If serious or perplexing enough, it may be an opportunity for professional counselling and its benefits.
If there’s any bad news it’s that breaking this pattern requires you to go far below the surface of your life, requiring healing, retraining and change. I’m not ashamed to say I’ve benefited from counselling at times to break patterns of anxiety and anger, and this has greatly improved the quality of life of EVERYONE at my house!
The good news is from the hard work, you will start resembling the parent you originally hoped to be. The great news is that you might be the one that finally stops your family flaws from being passed down to a new generation.
That has to be worth the effort…
***
This piece first appeared in Natural Parenting magazine, Sept. 2006.
