Break It Up!!

In my reading of Kindred magazine yesterday, I was particularly attracted to the article The Joy of Siblings. It was about helping siblings get along with each other … and which one among you will try to claim that your kids never fight with each other? This is my greatest stressor as a parent (or maybe the second greatest after “You need how much money?!!”)

Here’s the 3 pieces of advice the author (courtesy of KidsHealth.org) provided for that moment when the fight is on, and you’re feeling the need to step in. What I’m interested in is your responses to this advice.

1. Separate kids until they’re calm. Sometimes it’s best to just to give them space for a little while and not immediately rehash the conflict. If you want to make this a learning experience, wait until the emotions have died down.
2. Don’t put too much focus on figuring out which child is to blame. It takes two to fight – anyone who is involved is partly responsible.
3. Next, try to set up a ‘win-win’ situation so that each child gains something. When they both want the same toy, perhaps there’s a game they could pay together instead.

Ok, there are the suggestions. I’m not here to particularly laud this advice nor be critical. But, as I said, I’m interested in your responses.

Just two of my own thoughts are as follows:

First, point #1 hit home. I have a tendency to try to create learning moments in the heat of battle. By now, everything I know about the human brain should have taught me this is stupid: our fight/flight responses are hijacking our ability to think rationally in  conflict.

So I’m making it a goal this week to put this one into practise… And I’ll probably get plenty of that practise.

Second, re: point #2… It sounds noble and it sounds even reasonable to a degree. Sometimes we overdo the analysis and the finger-pointing. But there are times where it’s plain someone is responsible. When I see one son throw something at the other unprovoked (and from point blank range), it’s pretty obvious the one getting hit is not co-creating the situation.

Oh, the fight will be on afterwards and I guess I could say that the “victim” had a choice to not respond in kind. Yes, that’s true. But in the end, I’m going to have to create consequences and maybe a learning moment for the child with the “nefarious intent” (as Bad Dad is fond of saying in his podcasts).

The most difficult task when my kids are fighting is to stay calm myself and allow the rational parts of my brain to control my mouth.

Well, that’s my 2 cents. What’s yours?

Big Daddy

More Pics I Liked

Well, as we recover from our near brush with fame, and I get on with the mundanity of running a training course during the day and helping kids with homework at night, and I try to scratch some time out of the week to be a writer, I only have the energy to make this offering of funny pics today.

May it give all of you wonderful readers something to waste time on today.

Enjoy!!

The next pic does not in any way reflect the views of Freakedout Fathers’ author …

 

 

Adventures in Parenting meets Freakedout Fathers

 A break from all the ups and downs of the Aldin family’s journey to fame and fortune today …

One of Katy Lee’s adventures in parenting is exploring the potentials of podcasting. Like those of Bad Dad Radio and Digital Father, I enjoy Katy’s podcast (and her writing)… so it was a very cool surprise to be invited to chat with Katy for her latest episode.

Why not pay her a visit, listen to us chat for half an hour and see if you can find an idea that helps you de-stress a little as a parent.

You can hear the podcast at Help for stressed-out parents.

My Son’s Brilliant Career … and mine…maybe…

I got a call near 5 o’clock yesterday. Casting agency. Seems a few years ago, the Lady Ninja took Youngest Son to join an agency and attend some auditions. Several hundred dollars later (money we paid, not money he received), he got no work from it and we let it slip into history.

So, yesterday this Casting Agency says, “Your son used to be registered with an agent we use. Would you like him to attend a screen test for a commercial tomorrow morning? … He’d make [insert obscene amount of cash] for the day’s shooting.”

“O … kay … I’ll ask him.”

And he wanted to go. Strangely enough.

So this morning, instead of him attending school and me working on my business, we drive 45 minutes to the screen test. A surly pre-morning-coffee lady opens the door then walks away, leaving us to find our own seats. A minute later, she walks past me where I’m sitting in the foyer (we’re first cab off the ranks), throws a clip board and a pile of forms on a table and says “You better fill in a form” (she says this to the wall, not me) and I think Well, we’re off to a great start here aren’t we?  But then, I’m a sensitive kind of guy…

I stand, grab a form from the pile, fill it in, take some measurements of my son, fill in some more of the form and place it back on the table. When I turn around there is another lady standing there, 15 years older and 1010% happier than the first girl.

“Hi!” she says to me very brightly, staring at me with an intensity that I might have enjoyed in a nightclub twenty years ago, but which leaves me a little uncomfortable today. (Where’s that grumpy girl gone?)

“Good morning,” I reply as pleasantly as I can. The rollercoaster from no-people-skills to too-much-people-skills is leaving me giddy.

“Your son’s having his screen test?” she says.

“Yes. He is.”

Gee I’m good at conversation.

“How old are you?” she asks in the same bright, you’re-the-most-important-person-in-my-world tone.

“Er. Forty … two… next week.” I give her a quizzical look.

“Would you like to go in too?”

“With my son? … Sure.” I’m perplexed at this stage. Why wouldn’t I go in with my son and make sure he’s ok? He’s 8 years old after all.

“No, would you like to screen test?”

Time stops. Me?  Pete Aldin … on TV?!!

Seems rather ridiculous (just check out my Postcards videos!), but I find myself shrugging and – affecting her bouncy tone – saying “Sure, why not!”

Did I just agree to this? …

So, a form of my own is filled out after some kind help with my measurements from a fellow stage-parent who’s just arrived. (Is my waist really that large?! Surely that’s a faulty tape measure!) and … I screen-tested alongside my son.

Who knows? We may both be in the same commercial! Father and son together on video. Following in the footsteps of Donald and Kiefer, Kirk and Michael, Martin and Charlie, Darth Vader and Luke …

Well. I’ll let you know how it goes.

But when it comes to the beginning of my screen career, I’m not holding my breath.

Night Terrors

From age 2 to about 6, Youngest Son often suffered terrible nightmares as well as what’s become known as Night Terrors. Night Terrors are basically, according to my understanding, episodes of extreme fear and anxiety with no apparent cause and they happen, strangely enough , in the middle of the night.

If your little one is suffering this (and you’re suffering too, by default!), I came across this terrific and practical post about it, which I recommend to you:

How To Handle The Midnight Terrors 

My Favourite Obscure Songs

Here’s my top ten list of obscure (as in not Top 40) music that either gets me in the gut or gets my foot a-tappin’…

1. Kashmir, Led Zeppelin (the death of John Bonham was such a waste!
2. Bullet the Blue Sky, U2 (& covered nicely by P.O.D.)
3. Navras, Juno Reactor
4. Worlds Apart, Jars of Clay
5. Ready Steady Go, Oakenfold 
6. Faint, Linkin Park
7. Down Among the Dead Men, Flash & the Pan
8. Lazarus, Porcupine Tree
9. Radioactivity, Kraftwerk
10. Hallelujah, KD Lang

Well, that’s mine, but what would be on yours? I wanna know. Let me know and I’ll post a list of … lists …er, soon…

And to get you thinking, here’s John Bonham’s thunderous drumming on my #1:

And as an encore, a kick-ass drum solo from the man too (about 1:15 into clip):

Some Pics that Caught My Attention