So I’m driving home at the end of the second day of a week-long training course. I’m tired, I’m hungry, I have a long trip cross-town ahead of me. I grip the wheel in fists of steel! I concentrate on traffic conditions, trying to pick the best lanes to move to at the best times, calling on the Force to guide me.

And still I get every red light between the venue and my house. Long trip!

The next night, I decide I’ll make the most of the journey. It’s still light enough to read, so I pull out a training plan I’m working on and put it on the seat beside me, ready to chip away at it every time I have to stop at traffic lights. My mind is focussed on what I can write down and about ten minutes into the trip, I’m keenly anticipating the next red light so that I can get to work.

Do you know how many red lights I got that night? None.

That’s right: zilch, zip, nada, nil.

And that’s when I had the thought that changed my life.

Now if I was smarter than I am, I would save this thought, build up a whole lot of hype around it, give it a name like - oh say, The Secret - and put out an expensive video and hardback book to make as much money from it as I could.

But here I am giving it to you. The greatest time-saving tip you will ever receive. And it’s free!

Are you ready? Here’s the thought I had:

“Whenever you want a red light, you can’t get one!”

I hope you understand the magnitude of this discovery. It’s a form of Murphy’s Law turned inside out and applied in the positive. I was in awe of my own discovery and yet, slightly suspicious:

“It can’t be this easy to get green lights all the way home!”

So I tried it out over 6 weeks. Each time I decided I would do something at the lights, something I couldn’t legally or practically do while steering a moving vehicle, I got only green lights. Sometimes I would have to slow slightly because of the poor sods in the cars in front who HAD caught the red light. But I’d never have to stop and I was barely inconvenienced by this. I urge you to try this.

Remember I’m not recommending that you write while you’re driving. The point is that you try to do something at the lights. So before you start the car…

• take the book you’re reading and place the chapter you’re up to open on the seat next to you
• open a tub of yoghurt, stick in a spoon and place it in your cup-holder
• get some forms ready to fill in
• place the draft of the document you’re writing on the seat beside you …

…and start your engines. It works!

When we use this principle, we are making Murphy’s Law work for us.

In the same way, scientists have used many Laws in their own favour. They have found ways to make the Law of Aerodynamics overcome the Law of Gravity. Scientists use the Law of Gravity to help space-probes slingshot around planets, adding propulsion and helping to steer them.

In the family and in the workplace, there’s another Law we can make work in our favour. It’s called the Law of Respect. It goes a little something like this:

there are billions of people on the planet

you are one of them

they’re all as valuable as you

This law appears in the teachings of great thinkers from Jesus (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you) to Dale Carnegie (it runs right through his classic How to Win Friends and Influence People).

But ironically, although it’s about humility and empathy, this Law can work for you and I. Here’s just one way:

• Listen carefully to another person’s ideas and perspectives today.

• Suspend your own judgement about the topic of conversation

• Ask questions to understand them better and to draw them out

• Finish the conversation by recapping on what they’ve said and affirming them (sincerely) on their thinking, or their values, or something specific they said.

Then notice their response. I bet you there is a sudden increase in rapport between you, a smile on their face and gratitude (for the respect you’ve shown them) in their words. Chances are they will even ask you your opinion and listen in the same spirit as you have. Most of the time when you do this, you will either make a friend or strengthen an existing relationship.

Try it out. Go on…

(And by the way: safe driving!)

[and if this post looks familiar, it's because it once appeared at Great Circle about 2 years ago, then got deleted when I"refined" the content over there... But the poor post deserves to live, dammit!]