I don’t know about you, but I’m a huge believer in routine. Routine helps keep things on track, lowers stress, enables punctuality and completion of tasks, prepares the children of the family for adulthood (and protects the adults from a nervous breakdown).
But. It can be a great thing to break that routine, in the sense of doing something out of the ordinary. Like the times I played Pumpkin Rugby and Zombie Tag with the boys. The time Youngest Son and I went to an audition together. The time I took the boys for an hour’s drive to another beach (we live at the beach) where I knew there was a tidal stream we could dam with logs and such, put up with their complaining at the length of the drive and their requests to turn around, and partook of their joy at damming that stream when we finally got there.
It’s an effort to break routine. And it doesn’t always pay off. But the potential is there for the unexpected, the memorable, the “bonding-moments” to happen.
How could you do something out of the ordinary with the kids over the next week? For me, I’m planning to take Oldest Son out for icecream on Sunday. The best conversations seem to happen out of the house and over food (well sugar anyway)…
5 responses so far ↓
Mad Cow // Oct 8, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Have a new baby … what routine?
Hmm, I make them go for walks to a local playground and run around like idiots there.
Course, it only happens when Mamma is over the coffee at home and wants someone else to make her a proper latte, and the playground is located near a cafe!
You never can predict when this will happen - so I guess that’s breaking the routine.
My kids are a bit littler than yours, but we occasionally decide to go somewhere, anywhere, museum, zoo, Fitzroy Gardens, then take the train there. Dunno if that will cut it with your boys … but we train when we can, just for something different.
Pete // Oct 8, 2008 at 1:56 pm
It’s amazing, I hate trains … no I really HATE trains. But Youngest Son is like “We’re going to a shop in the next suburb? No way … What? We’re taking the train for one stop? Oh KOOL! I’m so there!!” … don’t get it.
Yes, I guess with bubby around there ain’t much routine at the mo’.
jonathan // Oct 9, 2008 at 2:01 am
This response is going to kill to birds with one stone. I mentioned that I bought “The Five Love Languages of Children” the other day. After reading it, I was compelled to step back and try to do a mental overview of life in our household. My stepdaughter never had much discipline throughout her life and it became a necessary function of my job as dad to try and help her in this area. I gave her rules, rewards, and consequences for her behavior.
When looking back on life in our house for the past few years. We have been focused on trying to “teach” her discipline , but we haven’t had much luck. I was convinced she was just plain defiant . Then I realized that we were so focused on rewards and consequences that she never received anything “just because”. It all had to be tied into doing something right. It made me realize there was nowhere in the routine that offered opportunity to let her know we love her unconditionally.
Last weekend, her mother (who had not yet read the book) and her got into a nasty fight over dishes. My stepdaughter started saying some really cruel and abusive things to her mom. My normal reaction would be to come roaring in there, separate the two, make sure my stepdaughter got to her room without hurting her mom (Yes, she gets physical), and then dole out punishment for the behavior.
I was getting ready to leave to go to Ann Arbor to watch U of M play football against Illinois. The words of the book were fresh in my head and I realized that acting out is all my stepdaughter had. Instead of being the big, bad, dad. I took her aside and quietly told her I was leaving for the game and I wanted her to go with me. I told mom, she had to read the book while we were gone.
In the car, I told my stepdaughter that despite the cruel things she said to her mother I was going to take her to the game today. I let her know that she hadn’t done anything to deserve it, but I was going to do it anyways because I had been doing a lot of thinking about life at our house and I didn’t think she knew she was loved. So, I told her, no lectures today. Today, is going to be a special day, just her and I, so that she knows despite the conflict in the house and all that has happened that she is loved and will be loved.
She cried the first twenty minutes of the drive. Michigan got creamed, but the game was wonderful despite it. She wants to go to U of m and be a cheerleader for the team.
This was a big change in our routine, and I think it paid off in a very big way.
jonathan // Oct 9, 2008 at 5:17 am
just realized I should mention that when I said she cried the first twenty minutes of the drive, it was a good thing, I believe that up until that point she felt that she wasn’t loved- the crying was an emotional release and relief
Pete // Oct 9, 2008 at 8:28 am
Man, I gotta tell ya, that’s a good story. Truly a good story. Kudos for stepping out of the cycle and charting new territory! (Gotta tell ya, big guy, that book is the best parenting book I ever read!)
Hope and pray things continue to snowball positively from this point…
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