Supporting Dad
November 12, 2008
Filed under Parenting & Family Posts
Been skimming through a report called Fatherhood and Fatherlessness. Albeit 5 years old and often based on research that is now nearly a decade old, it had some worthwhile points to consider. Here’s two of the strategies that Michael Flood (research fellow with the Australia Institute) poses as vital to both promoting the positive role that fathers play in kids’ lives and empowering Dads to get in there and be present with those kids:
- Establishing father-friendly workplace practices and cultures. “Employers, with governmental support, must create more flexible workplaces free of penalties for involved parents of either sex, and must promote equal economic opportunities for women” (because this makes way for mothers to work at higher pay grades lessening the pressure for Dads to still be main provider)
- Supporting fathers through family and parenting services. No, actually supporting them.
About the first strategy: last week, I asked a fellow Dad what stopped him attending groups that supported parents with the particular challenges his child faced. He replied “They’re all during office hours”. That makes it pretty difficult for a working Dad to get involved.
I also wonder if it’s possible (and I fully understand the current economic climate) for more bosses who are Dads themselves to empower employees who are also Dads to have more flexibility around parenting issues. (I heard of one workplace where they had “Go home on time days”. I like that.)
About the 2nd strategy: My experience over nearly 14 years of parenting (if I include the time my oldest son was gestating), is that things have been slanted toward mothers in the past. This is certainly understandable in most respects, because I don’t breastfeed and I don’t give birth. But occasionally service providers have made fathers feel irrelevant. I remember turning up to a parenting event - the only guy in the room - and being told “how nice; we have a Dad” in a most condescending fashion. I still don’t get why I wasn’t simply a “parent”. I’ve also been left out of communication about my kids presumably because of assumptions that Mum does all the parenting stuff. The report also sites the dearth of educational and other programs aimed at male parents.
Earlier this year, I went to local government to enquire about a grant to set up an 8-week parenting course for Dads. “Great idea!” the lady said, fully supportive of what I was proposing; “I’ll get you to talk to Jenny … oh. She deals with males under 25. No, I’ll get Wendy to call you … oh. She deals with males over 55 … actually we don’t have any department that serves men between those ages.” The light dawned for her that though there was an awareness of the importance and even the needs of families with respect to male parents, there was no infrastructure around promoting and supporting those needs. (Eventually, I got the grant under a community health auspice).
I have to say though that - thank goodness - things are rapidly changing in these respects.
So there’s a couple of strategies and my off-the-cuff thoughts about them. What are your thoughts?
I just recently learned that in America a father choose to take extended time from work under the Family Medical Leave Act and receive pay and reserve their job upon return. I don’ think many father’s no about this option. I certainly didn’t, or I would have chosen to do so after my wifes FMLA time was over.
Thanks Jonathan! That’s great news to spread around. I’d better do my homework and see if the same applies here in Australia and New Zealand.
It’s nice to see times are a-changing.
my brother in law took family leave. He was able to spread it out just as long as he took it within the first 6 months of the baby’s birth.
I think dads are not involved nor go to classes because they don’t want to, not because they can’t.
Our school structured our PTA meetings in the evenings to give dads a chance to be involved. Two dads came…and there were 15+ moms who work full time outside the home.
In some ways, I think it’s ok. I believe in division of labor. Of course not to mean that dads don’t need to be involved, nor should be marginalized, but to some extent, it is primarily the mom’s job.
I have to disagree that dad are not involved because they don’t want to. I certainly would have taken a leave if I had known I was eligible. I spent my entire summer vacation working and playing with my son, though I had the opportunity to do other things.
It may be that what I’m commenting on is my local situation, ie., Australia. Aparently one government website says we get paid Paternity Leave of 1 week for the first child, and 2 weeks for the second and any subsequent children. First I’d heard of it. Most Aussie dads need to take annual leave to spend any time at home with kids and I know a lot are involved in evening activities with their kids here too. Sorry that hasn’t been your experience Katy (and I think I’ve commented on my blog before about the dads I’ve met who are disengaged from their kids’ lives or deem activities like PTA or sports to be extra-curricular rather than core).
Whoops, hit enter too early.
Like all humans we fathers run the gamut from monster to complete butthead to minor butthead to Ray Barone to doing a good job with limited time and knowledge to Father of the Year. I think my initial thought in this post was to examine two strategies that were recommended to improve the lot of the Dads who WANT to engage (like Jonathan).
Appreciate both of you sharing your different opinions and experiences. That’s healthy.
Apologies if this has been posted somewhere else on the blog - a great rundown of local (well, local to me!) sessions for Dad and child http://www.casey.vic.gov.au/mediareleases2008/article.asp?Item=13954&nav=news and most of the sessions are on at times we CAN get there! Bring on the Splash & Tumble, I say! Seems like a great effort to get dads engaging (and mixing with other dads) with their kids.
On the note of having time with the kids - i’m fortunate enough to have pretty good holidays with my job as a teacher. So although i still get only 1 week Paternity leave, I can take carers leave to top that up (paid) and of course the end of term breaks are great.
Ross
Great heads up, Ross, cheers. The Pizza, Playstation and Paper Planes group is more my thing.
The city of Casey are leading the way in Australia with regards to things like this. And you’re right, the timings are great!