hiding in a drawer?!

Once when experimenting with ideas for this site, I came up with the image above.

What the hell is that about?! you might be wondering. Well, I guess I was referring to the “withdrawal instinct” that seems normal for Men when we experience the evil twins Overwhelm and Overload. You know what I mean:

• your kids are screaming at a pitch that’s like having a fork jabbed into your brain stem
• your wife is in conflict with you over something that seems totally irrelevant, irrational & inconsequential and you can’t figure out how to end the conflict without collateral damage
• you’re trying to figure out a solution to the latest financial crisis and three different children want you to do three different things with them all now…

FatheredFive once described it as “being pecked to death by ducks“! His post got to the heart of the matter and spawned a bunch of passionate comments on that feeling. I was one of those commenting, because he expertly touched that nerve in me…

It occured to me as I was reading his post and the conversation after it, that engaging proactively and lovingly with others is the big developmental task for Fathers, especially those of us in our 20s-40s.

Retreating to the backyard workshop, the den, the home office, Moe’s Tavern or even the TV – it’s the instinct to withdraw driving those choices.

It’s the decision to go with the “flight” instead of the “fight” response to something/one stressing us.

Sullenly sitting in front of the TV, storming out to Moe’s Tavern, heading into the home office and closing the door -they’re the easy way out where no one gets hurt, right?

Or so we think.

Sure, we don’t break our beer stein over the dog’s head, beat our wife or go all Steven Seagal on our children. But.

By pulling away, we actually create little tears (not the boo hoo kind, the ripping a cloth kind) in the relationships.

Our goal is to enter into the fray and sort it out, but to do that with everyone’s best interests at heart. Bloody difficult and bloody hard work! But bloody well worth it in the end.

How are you guys finding proactive loving engagement difficult?

And where are you seeing the proof of it being “well worth it”?