Teacher v. Parent?
March 13, 2008
Filed under Parenting & Family Posts
I was listening to a conversation between a teachers’ advocate and a parenting “expert” on the radio today. They were chatting constructively about how to build a partnership between parent and teacher, rather than taking an adversarial approach.
Let’s face it, if you’re kid’s been in grade school for more than a day, they’ve probably told you a story about a teacher that made you furious: “How dare they do that to my child! What kind of neanderthal turkeys do they employ at that school?!”
I could tell some really crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things teachers have done at both the schools my boys have attended. But then again, my boys could also tell you crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things their Dad has done.
And some of it would be true:
“Did you know my Dad fed me Cocopops then got angry at me when I got hyperactive?”
“Miss Hoover, did you know my Dad kicked the dog!”
Sorry Dog lovers, but if you knew our dog you might forgive me that momentary lapse of compassion. But it wasn’t good modelling for my kids and I regret it… Probably wasn’t good for the dog either, now I think of it…
Anyway. During the course of that radio conversation, the host said that she’d attended a Parent Information night at which one of the teachers made the following lighthearted comment, which I think has a very keen edge to it:
“We’ll believe 1/2 of what we hear about you,
if you believe 1/2 of what you hear about us.”
Hmm, food for thought?
We know a boy who told his teacher that his family had been evicted and were living in their car. This was in first grade. Glad the concerned teacher took it with a grain of salt.
For the most part, our teachers do stellar jobs in an increasingly difficult situation. I think the default setting for our relationship with our child’s teacher should always be to cooperate and work together with them, based on a mutual care for our child and the values we share, rather than those which separate us.
For more, here’s a helpful article on the subject.
How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher
And hey…
Tell us about your experiences of negotiating and building partnership with your children’s teachers.
here’s a link to my latest run in with the teacher of the year. Things are calm now, but second grade has been rough. http://www.sympathypain.com/she-said-what/
Man, just read your story, sorry I missed it first time round. That teacher would get me pretty steamed too.
This is when you know it’s time to quietly move someone on to library duty.
So as parents, you should develop a good a relationship to your child and be a good example to them. And teachers should do their own part also.
Bryan, read your story, what she said was quite inappropriate. Unfortunately, for every 9 good teachers out there, there need be only 1 bad teacher to do real damage to a child.
When I worked with at-risk students, I learned that one of the first things I needed to do as a teacher was speak with the parents and stress that parents, teachers, and students are a team.
In the case of the at-risk students, all three parties had the same goal of eliminating the stigmata of high school drop-out and getting the student to meet all of the requirements for graduation.
I had to be brutally honest with that group, that there were times I had to be strict or come down hard, because they often had 4 years of school to try and make up in a period of a year. Any slack, and the option of becoming a high school graduate becomes a non-reality. So, several times, in my initial conversation, I would stress to the parents, that if I contact you and tell you something about your child, I’m doing so, because I want your child to graduate, just as you want them to graduate.
Often with that group of students, the parents were very young and had gone down the drop-out path and were just as resistant to teacher authority as the kids were. It was an eye opener for them to be told that they need to be teammates with the teacher.
Now, that I have moved from a group of students where the normal expectation was that they would eventually drop-out to the norm is that the child is going to go to college. The team mate strategy still works.
Parents need to trust and expect that teachers want to teach and have expectations that they will bring out the best in their students. Just as parents want the best of their child. If the two groups can accept that and work together to achieve the goal they will be far more effective.
If the teacher proves to not have the expectation to bring out he best in students or takes the attitude that its there duty to present the material and its the duty of the child to “get it”. Then it is time for that teacher to move into a new career.
the thing that kills me is that my son’s mom is very “anti educational system”. so anytime we have a run in with a teaher, it automatically sets her into high defense mode…which affects my son.
The principle has stepped in, and slaps on the wrist were administered, but we are just waiting for the end of the year, and hopefully will have a better draw of teacher in 3rd grade.
I was hoping you’d wade into this Jonathan and your comments and experience is very welcome. We’ve had great teachers on the whole for our sons, but I admit there were times where I had misconstrued something they said/done and wanted to go in there and let them have it. I’m very very glad I decided on each occasion to start by giving them the benefit of the doubt, treating them like the grownup and professional they are, and communicating rationally because in each occasion, there was no conflict and very satisfying outcomes.
@ Bryan: your story at your site (linked above) is an pretty disappointing one; as you’ve said, you had a bad draw on the face of it with this teacher and lets hope next year you get one of the 9 that Jonathan mentioned above!
My son’s teacher seems to “miss” things when it comes to getting the grades into his gradebook. It happened both at the parent/teacher conference and AGAIN on the report card. I sent a very diplomatic email asking how my son goes from an A and B grade to 2 C’s in 5 weeks without me knowing. And if so, what can I do to help? Turns out he “missed” a couple of assignments my son did and miraculously the grades were changed back to A and B.
UGH!!
Ah well, Grandy, I guess even the teachers are human. That is annoying but at least he had the grace to correct the issue.