Rites of Passage
January 19, 2010
Filed under Parenting & Family Posts
This post was originally published here on FoF at the end of March 2009. It’s one of the many that was lost during the Malicious Code Attack of August 09, but thanks to my great friend Leah Maclean, we’ve found it and am republishing it here. Almost a year down the track, it’s interesting for me to read it again, and hope it is to you too. Sorry to those who commented last time and whose valuable comments were lost!
My oldest son (affectionately known here by his tag Ewrokka) celebrated his 13th birthday recently. We celebrated with a kind of bar mitzvah. No we’re not Jewish and my Jewish friends would probably think it nothing like a true bar mitzvah; but the similarity was in the purpose of the event - to welcome Ewrokka into young manhood.
For many years, I’ve read the writings of men who say rites of passage, male inititation, the bestowing of identity and confidence and responsibility on adolescent males is sadly missing in Anglo/Western society. Traditionally througout history, throughout the world, the time between 12 and 14 in a male’s life was the time of entry into the World of Men. We have ditched that for an invention of the Industrial Age: the teenage boy.
Our intention was to bestow manhood on my son, with all of the people present (men and women, boys and girls) telling him what they love and respect about him and with many of the men present giving him a word of wisdom and a prayer for his future adventure and contribution to the world.
I’ll say no more about it unless I have express permission from him. We have another collection of challenges for him and some friends to complete over the next 12 months (whose Fathers have gathered together to focus on this year of their sons’ lives). This will culminate with another very different “rite of passage”.
But I’d like to flag the issue of the rite of passage for young males here. (And young females too … I have boys, so I can only focus on my experience with them).
So fellas, what has been your experience with becoming a man? How did you know you were one? Did any significant older males spend time with you during your ‘teens’ and ‘preteens’ to become a compass or mentor to you?
What rituals have you had around coming-of-age for your children, male or female?
We should have more “Feats of Strength” and “Trials by Fire” to harden the resolve of the upcoming generation. But seriously…
I remember my father giving me a pocket knife. Sadly I don’t recall any speech that came with it. (Nor did I hunt anything with it.)
Probably most significant event was when I was about half way through High School. I had been miserable and committed to ditching my old life and people I knew in order to reinvent myself and start fresh without baggage.
It’s true, the feats of strength thing. It’s been interesting that this year (or God maybe) has actually thrown them up naturally at him – feats of physical, moral and emotional strength. And I’ve felt my job has largely been to affirm him once he passes them.
When you talk about your mid-High School reinvention-of-self, it makes me think that a lot of us Gen Xers seem to have had to initiate ourselves.
Thanks for your contribution, Roland.