(Now, 4 years later, I can’t remember what the heck he was doing that was getting me so worked up).

He patiently listened to me describing the situation and anguishing over my inability to stop my son from doing whatever it was he was doing. When there came a lull in my whining, my friend leant forward and simply said,

“Pete. That’s what 6 year olds do.”

It was all I needed. It was epiphany. It told me that I was stressing about something that was normal. That I needed to put my energy into directing my son’s energy rather than trying to shut it off. It was a vital reality check, a calming thought.

That’s what 6 year olds do.

This kind of self-talk helps me overcome Gen X anxiety around having perfect kids.

AND Gen X guilt over not being able to make the kids perfect. (It’s stupid when you verbalize it, but it’s what many of us suffer with).

What do you tell yourself to calm yourself down, to give your kids some grace, to be more positive and proactive around them?

Currently they urgently need sponsors. They write:

The Summer of 2010 is almost over, but The Fresh Air Fund still needs loving host families. We are looking for families in the following areas to host THIS summer Red Hook, Columbia County, Saugerties, Delmar, Guilderland & Altamont, Latham and Rensselaer, NY.  If you or someone you know is able to host, please sign up now.

In 2009, The Fresh Air Fund’s Volunteer Host Family program, called Friendly Town, gave close to 5,000 New York City boys and girls, ages six to 18, free summer experiences in the country and the suburbs. Volunteer host families shared their friendship and homes up to two weeks or more in 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.

For more, or to help, visit: http://weneedfreshairfundhosts.com/

Genius

Great music from a great movie soundtrack…

I’m sitting on the train yesterday and there’s these two high school students standing in one doorway of the carriage. Across the aisle in the other doorway there’s a guy in a wheelchair who is obviously intelligent but can’t speak very well or very fast.

And these young guys are talking with him. I mean, having a conversation. No pretending he isn’t there. No patronising. No antsy body language, like they want to get away. No mocking looks when he’s not looking. No concern for what the “mature” people in the carriage (who were giving them cold looks) thought.

They were actually treating him like a fellow human being.

… Would never have happened in my day!

Completed 2nd draft of new short story and posted it on my online writers’ workshop for comment and feedback.

Reached halfway point of  1st draft of novel.

Took Youngest Son and Friend to Karate Kid and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Ate way too much crappy food and way too little fruit and vegies.

Managed behaviour of a 14- and 10-year old during school holidays with mixed results.

In case anyone cares…

I suspect when we were kids, many of our own Dads left us to our own devices in holiday times (or sent us to camp). So we may not have a lot of role modelling to refer back to, as in how did my dad stop us from being bored?. We came up with our own ideas for fun…

And there-in lies a strength of the Gen X and Boomer father: we are inventive. I think – before I get into specific suggestions – that the way we draw our kids into a delightful activity that doesn’t cost money or involve a games console is this: it HAS to be engaging, and WE have to sell it! By that I mean, we have to be enthusiastic and silly and joyful and we might have a shot at drawing them in.

Okay. Ideas. I’ve tried occasionally to tweak a well-known game. The stupidity of my new premise will often be enough to engage my boys.

Exhibit A: Pumpkin Rugby. (Or football for you Americans – it’s a similar enough game). The title IS the game. You play rugby. With a pumpkin.

Exhibit B: Zombie Tag. Look up the old post. It’s not hard to get your head around the rules of this game.

Exhibit C: Silly Scrabble. This is one I invented on the spot three days ago and played with a 10 and 14 year old. You might have tried something similar before. Basically, all words are allowed especially invented ones. The only rules are the word must coply with normal English spelling rules (as in moggrinder rather than mggrinder) AND you must have a definition for your word.

Then there are always the old favorites:

• Pooh Sticks (for the Winnie the Pooh fans),
• kicking or throwing the footy or soccer ball,
• having your own round robin or World Cup of various games complete with trophy,
• taking the coloring books to the cafe so you can get your hit and they can see a different place than home,
• backyard picnics,
• skimming stones,
• card games: gin rummy, snap, canasta…
• prank phone calls – hey, why not?

And finally, consider this thought from cyh.com:

Sometimes saying “I’m bored” is another way of saying “I want you to play with me”…

Any ideas to share with us Dads?

***

Related posts:

• Breaking Routine
• Fear of Fun? Or Fear of Failure?
• Get Ready to Rumble!
• Games for Car Trips
• Mm. Chocolate.
• What I Learned from Vacations
• A few Dad Jokes that your Kids May (or may not) Like

The last two months have reminded me of the importance of respect … as well as its leverage power with adolescents.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have filled in for a School Chaplain for a term while he travelled overseas. During that time I obviously had a fair bit of interaction with teenagers, most of whom come from generational poverty and home lives that are less than optimal.

And yet no matter how bad the home life, each and every one of them understood the concept of respect. And when I asked for better behaviour in the small groups I was running, I did so on the basis of respect (”I respect you by listening to you, etc. I require you to respect me in similar fashion”) which on the whole worked very well.

This reminded me (as did a conversation with another Dad yesterday) that we often require respect from our kids, but don’t give it. Example: when the kid’s distracted by TV and doesn’t hear what you’re saying it’s them being naughty; when I’m distracted and don’t hear my kid talking, it’s being “busy”).  Example: We say “Pick up those socks, now!!” and call it exercising authority; the kid says “I want a biscuit!” and we call it rudeness.

What say you?

This is despite yet more poor refereeing. It seemed to me that each and every time a Serbian player fell down they got a free kick. Once, the player even tripped over himself and got a free for it! I seriously think that if the Serbian team had been out there playing alone, they still would have been getting free kicks!

Anyway. Great goals and great heart. (And I finally saw a match starting at 4.30 am that was worth getting up for!)