Amongst the busyness I’ve been:

• Trying my hand at short story writing, with 3 ‘rejections’ from magazines to my credit and one ‘maybe, we’ll have our editor take a look at it’
• Negotiating, negotiating, negotiating – with community groups and business to find the right service(s) for working dads to support them in their parenting / work-life balance. (We’re getting there – one company has signed me up to run 2 lunchtime seminars for Dads in the organisation).
• Playing taxi driver to two boys who play soccer, tennis and train in bass guitar and tap dancing. (Ok, the lady wife does the tap dancing taxi driving).
• Training out of school youth to get them jobs … and a vision for life.
• Jotting the odd article for other ‘zines: see Cometh the Hour, Cometh the Man over at Family Capers.
• completing a Voice Over course … you never know, they may be MY dulcet tones you’re hearing on that documentary or commercial.

In amongst all this, the occasional event has taken me by suprise and reinforced my commitment to just being a solid father: knifing in a school, a primary (elemntary) school girl holding a knife to another’s throat, kids wrapping cars full of their friends around trees and telephone poles… and even the young people who turn up to my Wednesday/Thursday classes, who are good human beings who’ve been dealt a bad hand…

I’m doing my best to tune out from the busyness often. To tune in to my wife and kids. To watch youngest son while he’s showing me his latest tap dancing manoevre. To remember to ask oldest son on Thursday morning about something he told me would happen at school on Wednesday. To say “Sure I’ll come on the Melbourne City Romp with you” to oldest son and sacrifice a day to be with him.

I don’t think I’m getting an A for Attentive Parenting this semester, but hopefully the mark will be better than a D. Then again, who am I to even judge myself … as if parenting were a set of competencies you have to tick off to succeed at. We’re all making it up as we go along; parenting’s a moving target and with all the distractions of modern life, it’s a blue-eyed miracle (to quote Stephen King) that we ever hit anything.

So. How you doin’?

Now I realise that you, like me, get bombarded with requests to help, probably daily. But what if I was asking you for only $10 … With over 100 Facebook friends PLUS ALL OF YOU FOF FANS chipping in that $10, we’d have our $1000 in no time! And Burnet would be closer to a cure.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO ATTEND TO CHEER US ON. (WE’RE SO FAST, YOU’D NEVER FOLLOW US ANYWAY!!).

Follow this link to our team page where you’ll find prompts to make your donation: http://www.melbournecityromp.com/team_profile/1361  

By the way, this was Jack’s idea and I’m proud of him for suggesting it. What’s wrong with young people these days? Where’d they get this social conscience???

We appreciate your partnership!! May life be good to you!!

A DECLINE in the number of male teachers is being blamed for rising youth violence.

Just 28 per cent of state schoolteachers are men, down from 32 per cent 10 years ago. Youth crime has soared in that time. Sex attacks, robberies, assaults and weapon offences have increased significantly, and psychologists and family groups told the Herald Sun the loss of male role models was an important factor.

As a parent of boys, and as a youth minister with nine-year’s experience, I couldn’t agree more.

The two spheres where boys spend almost all of their time are Home and School. Without strong, engaged and morally centred Men to learn from (and to respect) in at least one of these environments, what the hell is a boy to do when he’s looking for guidance, boundaries, affirmation?

Who’s around to convince him of lessons like  ”Real Men don’t beat the crap out of other people for fun”, “Real Men respect (themselves, other people, property)”, and “Real men take responsibility for their actions, building a better future for themselves and others” ?

 Just one week ago, I spoke at a Rotary gathering north of Melbourne about this very thing. There is a ton of information/research to support the theory that a lack of MALE PARENTING in childhood and then MALE MENTORING in adolesence leaves young males open to an anxious and self-absorbed state of being. That state of being will always have awful results. These young males are far far more likely to commit crime, live anti-social lives and develop depression than boys who are consistently fathered and mentored in an accepting, firm and affectionate manner .

At that Rotary gathering, I was calling on businesses  to get behind lunchtime or after-work PD sessions for working dads to help them further build their parenting role and skills. Afterwards, two of the men there (one an educator of thirty years experience) assured me they would be out speaking to local businesses to see it happen. They could join the dots and see they point.

Another man told me that the ex-warden of a Victorian prison (a friend of his) had researched the background of the young men who came through the prison doors and discovered in every case there was abuse or neglect by their father. (That warden changed careers and went into educating/mentoring those young offenders).

There are simple and there are not-so-simple things a Dad can do to build the bonds with their sons before anti-social behaviour gets a grip. Dads are the best mentor a boy can have (though not the only ones of course). We all just need time to think through them and work out what to do…

But few men even think of going to a ‘parenting class’ or reading a ‘parenting book’. Peer-mentoring and interactive environments that fit into our lifestyle are a far better first step.

That’s why if you’re an Aussie reading this, it’s not just me who needs you to suggest to your HR department or business owner that they talk to me about running PD for working Dads, it’s the working Dads and their sons.

Is that because I’m the best communicator in the country and the Keeper of Ancient Wisdom that no one else has? I’m not that conceited,. But I do know what works and I’m bloody good at helping other people get a handle on it for themselves. And I’m stepping up to the plate to do something about this. Talk to me. Get your boss to talk to me. One government office asked me for a proposal for lunchtime seminars for Dads last week under the banner of work-life balance. I salute them for ‘getting’ it. Let’s get more workplaces on board! We can turn things around and prevent the upcoming generation of young men from following in the footsteps of their slightly older counterparts…

Related Posts:

• Enough is Enough
• Rites of Passage
• Covering All Bases parenting program
• Dads Influence Their Daughters’ Interest In Math
• Fear of Fun? Or Fear of Failure?

Some info below. Please have a good look and consider some way you can help. Watch this video. Great story. Easy to skim over things like this in a world of need, but doing something about this could change someone’s else’s life … if not yours too.

Pete out.

***

Posts from the Past for New Readers of FoF!:

• Even Dads Need to Defrag
• A Happier Home-life?
• Lord of the Love Languages
• Teacher v. Parent?
• Wednesday’s What’s Worse
• Lightsaber Safety Announcement

I admit that I have to fumble around for ages to pop the button back out again (ie., defuse the temper). Sometimes I wish it simply wasn’t there but it is and I have to deal with it…

The main two ways they seem to press  mine are

1) telling me they are/aren’t doing something when the opposite is clearly true. eg: Oldest Son says “I’m not doing anything to him” while his arms are wrapped around his brother’s neck…

2) ignoring me. I realise analytically (rationally) that this is normal, that it’s not personal, that whatever it is they’re doing is just soaking up their available bandwidth and Dad’s voice can’t get through. I know the techniques for calmly gaining their attention. But this still gets to me!!!!!

[Deep breath]

So. What presses yours?

WHAT WERE / ARE THE CHILDREN’S BOOKS MOST POPULAR AT YOUR HOUSE? 

My answer was:

1. Younger years: Mr Men and Dr Seuss
2. 7-10 y.o.: Roald Dahl and Winnie the Pooh (actually, I was the only one who enjoyed Pooh Bear, so let me change that to Narnia)
3. Pre-adolescent: Captain Underpants series, Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, and anything by Andy Griffiths 

And I’d happily read Captain Underpants any day.

How about you? What say you?

**

Slightly related posts:

• Boys and Reading
• Wednesday’s What’s Worse?
• Wednesday’s What’s Worse IX

The police urge parents to step in and find out where their children were going and how they were getting there. I gotta tell ya, at 16, 17, 18, 19 – if you don’t have the kind of relationship where that’s already happening, it ain’t gonna start now.

Folks, help me help some Dads save some lives. Some of you must know a Dad in Melbourne with sons about to hit adolesence, or Dad who’s got one son already doing stupid stuff and wants to do something about the next son not following in his brother’s footsteps. TELL THEM TO CONTACT ME! Someone must know a business looking to improve their public profile as an awesome supporter of families and youth welfare:  TELL THEM TO CONTACT ME!

Please, we actually can do something about changing this! In just one weekend, we can keep/start the ball rolling in the right direction for 15 young men and their dads.

This post was originally published here on FoF at the end of March 2009. It’s one of the many that was lost during the Malicious Code Attack of August 09, but thanks to my great friend Leah Maclean, we’ve found it and am republishing it here. Almost a year down the track, it’s interesting for me to read it again, and hope it is to you too. Sorry to those who commented last time and whose valuable comments were lost!

My oldest son (affectionately known here by his tag Ewrokka) celebrated his 13th birthday recently. We celebrated with a kind of bar mitzvah. No we’re not Jewish and my Jewish friends would probably think it nothing like a true bar mitzvah; but the similarity was in the purpose of the event - to welcome Ewrokka into young manhood.

For many years, I’ve read the writings of men who say rites of passage, male inititation, the bestowing of identity and confidence and responsibility on adolescent males is sadly missing in Anglo/Western society. Traditionally througout history, throughout the world, the time between 12 and 14 in a male’s life was the time of entry into the World of Men. We have ditched that for an invention of the Industrial Age: the teenage boy.

Our intention was to bestow manhood on my son, with all of the people present (men and women, boys and girls) telling him what they love and respect about him and with many of the men present giving him a word of wisdom and a prayer for his future adventure and contribution to the world.

I’ll say no more about it unless I have express permission from him. We have another collection of challenges for him and some friends to complete over the next 12 months (whose Fathers have gathered together to focus on this year of their sons’ lives). This will culminate with another very different “rite of passage”.

But I’d like to flag the issue of the rite of passage for young males here. (And young females too … I have boys, so I can only focus on my experience with them).

So fellas, what has been your experience with becoming a man? How did you know you were one? Did any significant older males spend time with you during your ‘teens’ and ‘preteens’ to become a compass or mentor to you?

What rituals have you had around coming-of-age for your children, male or female?

Most important lesson I learned from this trip was not to pack too much in.

Second most important, boys eating lots of junk food and being cooped up together in a car and motel rooms = lots of farts – live with it.

Third most important was, if you’ve travelling to another city, get a real map. a handful of google map print-offs won’t do. Canberra is the most bizarrely laid out city on earth. You literally drive in circles, under one cross streett and over the next until you are heading in the opposite direction you think you are. In fact, oldest son came up with the best advice: “Dad, just drive opposite to what you think.” It worked…

Anyhoo. It was definitely worthwhile, and I’m so glad I took the time out to do it, and grateful to the wife for helping me plan accomodation etc. Left to me, we’d be doing the Mary and Joseph thing, roaming around a town after dark looking for an inn…

Without boring you with anecdotes and too many slides, here’s some photos…

Youngest Son (pretty much the only Aldin willing to be photographed). Here you see said youngster posing by a vehicle of destruction at our War Museum in Canberra, probably dreaming about hotwiring it…

This is one of the amazing sets of models at the Museum depicting famous scenes from the Great War. Absolutely breathtaking.

Constable Pete putting his son in the tree-trunk jail for farting  in the car.