What I’m Learning from Changing My Children’s School

A big thanks to Robert Hruzek for hosting his “What I Learned from …” Writers Carnival. This piece probably isn’t exactly what he had in mind. (But he’ll get over it! )

What intrigued me about his topic was that he wanted us to talk about what we learned from change. I had always thought that you learn something and then you make a change because of it. But in thinking about this I realised that sometimes you make a Huge Change because the circumstances are demanding it – and you learn during the process and from the process itself.

So here’s what I’m learning this week from the potentially stressful process of uprooting our boys from a school they’ve loved and transfering them to a new one…

1) It’s Never Worth Staying in an Unhealthy Situation Just Because it Seems Easier.

We often stay in situations that aren’t good for us, that we even hate, simply because it’s painful or scary to change. But pain has no accent – in other words, we think pain means something bad is happening but it may not be. It may actually be that things are improving.

My back hurts. Every day. It also hurts to exercise. Sometimes the dull ache of backpain seems more attractive to live with than the more acute pain of exercise. But that acute pain eventually fades and the exercise puts me in a place where my back pain diminishes further, if I press through it.

Have I labored the point enough?

It became clear to my wife and I a couple of weeks ago that to leave our sons in a school that literally overnight exchanged a culture of nurture and excellence for an atmosphere of anger arrogance and “amateurism” would be negligent … and just plain dumb!

2) Change is a Before, During & After Process.

Before: We had to

• do our homework/research
• prime our kids
• ramp up the reassurance and security with Youngest Son
• ramp up the information-flow and transparency with Oldest Son
• set up a playdate for Youngest Son with a boy who would be in his class next year (so that he had a friend already “waiting” for him in the new situation)

During: Now that they both know it’s definitely happening, it’s been more of the same above while wearing an aura of calm, & managing time well to make more time for their friends (so they don’t feel like we’re ripping them away from the people they love).

After: … Well, we’re not there yet. We anticipate the usual “teething” troubles that come with any new situation. Our intention is to

• remain positive about the new school
• optimistically navigate our way through new systems and routines
• keep lots of space open to talk through the difficulties of the New

It takes great care at all stages to navigate change well. So far, so good.

3) Generation Ys (& Zs) Crave Information.

Let’s face it, they’ve been swimming in information all their lives. To withhold it in a time of great change is destined to create great anxiety and conflict in your family.

Some of the commentators I’ve read say that generally, given the information, kids these days make pretty solid decisions. While that’s debatable, I have found that my kids do seem to make some pretty good choices (or go with our flow) when we provide enough of the information they need (rather than adopting the “Trust me, I’m your father” non-discussive approach).

It impressed me to watch the Principal at the new school (during the initial interview with Oldest Son). He took the boy’s questions seriously and answered them fully.

We’ve been upfront with the reasons for the move…

In a time of change, information is like oxygen.

4) Kids are Resilient and Fragile at the Same Time.

Kids were created to grow. Change is a Growing Time. They will grow through it – and grow well – if we parents handle them and the transition with care.

For me, the lesson continues. But this is what I’ve learned so far…