We had high school parent-teacher interviews this week and had four great conversations with four great teachers. Really revitalized our faith in the teaching profession after a bad year last year at a different school.

One of the conversations we had was with oldest son’s history teacher – a terrific fella who loves Monty Python as much as do and who (when I said “My son didn’t start your class expecting the Spanish Inquisition”) responded correctly with “Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!” (follow the link if you don’t get the humor).

More intelligently, he made a great point that adolesent lads tend to read  only about what obsesses them. When suddenly they are captivated by soccer, start leaving soccer magazines and books and websites open around the place, and they’ll read. When they become obsessed about heavy metal, leave that around the place. In other words, young men in their teens are not natural readers unless there is something to read for.

Now me as a teenager, I was so captivated by the escapism of star wars that I’d read anything science fiction that I could get my hands on … even if I didn’t understand it (I’m talking to you, Asimov!). Similarly, when I began to follow Manchester United I even read a “biography” of the team. Currently oldest son, who can read very well but has traditionally been averse to reading books since he got too old for me to read for him, now can be found almost nightly reading up on Medieval History (largely due to the influence of this teacher).

What’s your experience of this, to the positive or to the contrary? What could you “leave around” for your son to pick up and read?

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By the way, I will be on holidays from all things web-based from the 19th to the 30th September, so if  I don’t reply to your comments then, don’t feel slighted. You have my permission to carry on conversations in my absence – as long as you keep it civil.

And no, Mr Thief, I won’t be away from my house, so don’t go trying to rob me during that period.

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Loosely related posts:

• Teacher v. Parent?
• Behaviour Managment for Boys
• Dads Influence Their Daughters’ Interest In Math
• Student Leadership

“We’ve known for a while now that females do as well as males on tests that measure ability in math and science,” said Pamela Davis-Kean, a psychologist at the U-M Institute for Social Research (ISR). “But women are still underrepresented in science, technology, engineering and math graduate programs and in careers based on those disciplines.”

It’s as if women are saying, “I can, but I don’t want to,” according to Davis-Kean.

In a study she presented recently at a campus meeting, Davis-Kean and colleagues analyzed how parents’ values and attitudes affect children’s math performance and later interest, and how these attitudes vary by the child’s gender. They used data from a longitudinal study of more than 800 children and a large group of their parents that began in 1987 and continued through 2000.

They found that parents provided more math-supportive environments for their sons than for their daughters, including buying more math and science toys for the boys. They also spent more time on math and science activities with their sons than with their daughters…

“Fathers’ gender stereotypes are very important in supporting—or in undermining—daughters’ choices to pursue training in math and science,” Davis-Kean said…

I was listening to a conversation between a teachers’ advocate and a parenting “expert” on the radio today. They were chatting constructively about how to build a partnership between parent and teacher, rather than taking an adversarial approach.

Let’s face it, if you’re kid’s been in grade school for more than a day, they’ve probably told you a story about a teacher that made you furious: “How dare they do that to my child! What kind of neanderthal turkeys do they employ at that school?!”

I could tell some really crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things teachers have done at both the schools my boys have attended. But then again, my boys could also tell you crazy-making stories about just plain BAD things their Dad has done.

And some of it would be true:

“Did you know my Dad fed me Cocopops then got angry at me when I got hyperactive?”

“Miss Hoover, did you know my Dad kicked the dog!”

Sorry Dog lovers, but if you knew our dog you might forgive me that momentary lapse of compassion. But it wasn’t good modelling for my kids and I regret it… Probably wasn’t good for the dog either, now I think of it…

Anyway. During the course of that radio conversation, the host said that she’d attended a Parent Information night at which one of the teachers made the following lighthearted comment, which I think has a very keen edge to it:

“We’ll believe 1/2 of what we hear about you,

if you believe 1/2 of what you hear about us.”

Hmm, food for thought?

We know a boy who told his teacher that his family had been evicted and were living in their car. This was in first grade. Glad the concerned teacher took it with a grain of salt. 

For the most part, our teachers do stellar jobs in an increasingly difficult situation. I think the default setting for our relationship with our child’s teacher should always be to cooperate and work together with them, based on a mutual care for our child and the values we share, rather than those which separate us.

For more, here’s a helpful article on the subject.

 How to Talk to Your Child’s Teacher

And hey…

Tell us about your experiences of negotiating and building partnership with your children’s teachers.

In a recent blog post An Open Letter To Teachers, he writes this:

“Often, we don’t know what ’students’ are capable of until we give them an opportunity to test out, try out their leadership skills.”

I have the utmost respect for a man who has respect for children and teens.

And his idea was proved to me just twenty minutes before I read that post. My 6th grader son told me over breakfast that – earlier in the week – his teacher had been distracted and had to leave the room for a considerable amount of time. Not her fault, she’s a great teacher. I personally think it had a lot to do with the ‘debacular’* way of conducting business at his school at the moment, but I can’t prove that so I’ll let it slide.

So let me get this clear for you: the class was left to make their own way for a time without adult supervision.  You’re imagining total mayhem, aren’t you? (So was I at this stage of the story).

However, one of the students simply got up and lead the class. With humour and focus he got them working. A twelve-year old. There was teamwork, there was fun, there was action … and my son told me there was MATH! Imagine a 6 Grade class willingly doing their mathematics with no teacher present?!

That’s leadership. That’s what our kids are capable of.

*Debacular. Thanks to The Molk for inventing this word for me to describe the school situation. He should patent it…

What intrigued me about his topic was that he wanted us to talk about what we learned from change. I had always thought that you learn something and then you make a change because of it. But in thinking about this I realised that sometimes you make a Huge Change because the circumstances are demanding it – and you learn during the process and from the process itself.

So here’s what I’m learning this week from the potentially stressful process of uprooting our boys from a school they’ve loved and transfering them to a new one…

1) It’s Never Worth Staying in an Unhealthy Situation Just Because it Seems Easier.

We often stay in situations that aren’t good for us, that we even hate, simply because it’s painful or scary to change. But pain has no accent – in other words, we think pain means something bad is happening but it may not be. It may actually be that things are improving.

My back hurts. Every day. It also hurts to exercise. Sometimes the dull ache of backpain seems more attractive to live with than the more acute pain of exercise. But that acute pain eventually fades and the exercise puts me in a place where my back pain diminishes further, if I press through it.

Have I labored the point enough?

It became clear to my wife and I a couple of weeks ago that to leave our sons in a school that literally overnight exchanged a culture of nurture and excellence for an atmosphere of anger arrogance and “amateurism” would be negligent … and just plain dumb!

2) Change is a Before, During & After Process.

Before: We had to

• do our homework/research
• prime our kids
• ramp up the reassurance and security with Youngest Son
• ramp up the information-flow and transparency with Oldest Son
• set up a playdate for Youngest Son with a boy who would be in his class next year (so that he had a friend already “waiting” for him in the new situation)

During: Now that they both know it’s definitely happening, it’s been more of the same above while wearing an aura of calm, & managing time well to make more time for their friends (so they don’t feel like we’re ripping them away from the people they love).

After: … Well, we’re not there yet. We anticipate the usual “teething” troubles that come with any new situation. Our intention is to

• remain positive about the new school
• optimistically navigate our way through new systems and routines
• keep lots of space open to talk through the difficulties of the New

It takes great care at all stages to navigate change well. So far, so good.

3) Generation Ys (& Zs) Crave Information.

Let’s face it, they’ve been swimming in information all their lives. To withhold it in a time of great change is destined to create great anxiety and conflict in your family.

Some of the commentators I’ve read say that generally, given the information, kids these days make pretty solid decisions. While that’s debatable, I have found that my kids do seem to make some pretty good choices (or go with our flow) when we provide enough of the information they need (rather than adopting the “Trust me, I’m your father” non-discussive approach).

It impressed me to watch the Principal at the new school (during the initial interview with Oldest Son). He took the boy’s questions seriously and answered them fully.

We’ve been upfront with the reasons for the move…

In a time of change, information is like oxygen.

4) Kids are Resilient and Fragile at the Same Time.

Kids were created to grow. Change is a Growing Time. They will grow through it – and grow well – if we parents handle them and the transition with care.

For me, the lesson continues. But this is what I’ve learned so far…