Canine Proofreading

When Youngest Son was even younger (around 4 y.o.), we were walking the dog one day and he asked, “Why do dogs do wee (urinate) everywhere they go?” I explained that they were leaving messages for other dogs to say they’d been here.

Another time he asked “Why do dogs sniff trees all the time?” “Because they’re reading the messages left there by other dogs. It’s kind of like email.”

Armed with this rich understanding of the ways of the world, my son was satisfied. He said nothing more on the topic for the past 4 years, except the occasional “I wonder what she’s writing” when we’d walk our dog and she’d pause for a moment …

Yesterday, the budding stand-up comic watches the dog taking a leak in our backyard (as you do when you’re bored). He turns to me and says “I know why dogs sniff their own wee when they’re finished. They’re checking back over what they’ve written. And if they see a ‘b’ where there should be a ‘d’, they-” and here he mimes a dog cocking its leg – “rewrite that part.”

Dad Labs: Diaper Pails

Not for the faint at heart. New parents will appreciate this one. (Enjoy this, Molks)

From Dad Labs.

Shimajiro’s Potty Adventures, Episode #1 … and #2s!

Thanks to Channel 10’s  Friday Night Download for this one. This is a real educational video used by Japanese parents toilet-training their kids.

WARNING: It’s a little gross.

Japanese anime used for practical purposes. Well done, pantsaman-san!

Now that’s Anal Retentive!

Wednesday’s What’s Worse II

 

Continuing our new segment: I give you 2 or 3 choices and you tell me which you think is worse and WHY.

This one is really really classy.

Here’s this Wednesday’s choices…

1. Changing a dirty nappy (diaper) [and I mean dirty!]
2. Having a baby vomit “milk” on your shirt

Farts are Funny

WARNING: Gratuitous toilet humor ahead. Proceed at own risk.

When I was a boy, the word “fart” was a very naughty swear word in middle-class suburban Melbourne. Now it’s joined such words as crap and damn in being a mild form of swearin’.

What’s more, when I were young, farts were most definitely not funny – to adults that is! My freinds and I of course thought they were hilarious, capturing many on tape and learning to light them where possible (ok, I didn’t attempt that one, but my braver freinds did – and no burns!).

Around our parents however, we’d have to resort to codewords like bottom burp, fluff, trouser ghost and stepping on a duck. If we said the word fart, made a joke about farts or laughed at our parents letting one rip, it’d be a clip over the ear or an angry tirade. [I still know a lady who is in her 40s and is horrified when her kids use the word (or even the word bum) - yet strangely, she has no problem with her kids manipulating other people, subjects them to some serious passive smoking and thinks the word crap is ok - i don't get it...] Anyway, where was I?

Now that I have kids I’m not nearly so (oh, dear, here comes the slightly crass pun) … anal … about farts.

But I’d never thought of blogging about them until I came across a network of blogs and other sites devoted to them . And so I present the cream of the crap crop to you, in the hope that:

a) you will get a much-needed laugh, and

b) you’ll be able to bond with your kids by using them…

The Fart Game – kill as many rats with your cute little rabbit’s farts as you can in the time limit. This is definitely one for Dad and the kids! Strangely addictive…

Facts on Farts – says it’s the original Facts on Farts. I didn’t know there were copies! This is vital for people who need answers to questions like “Do fish fart?”, “Do turtles fart?”, “Why do horses’ farts smell worse than peoples?” and (crucial question) “Is it harmful to hold farts in?” (apparently there’s two schools of thought on that one). I have saved this page in my favourites so that when my sons have a school project on the digestive system, they’ll have some information that will earn them extra credit…

Fart Techniques – probably not one to show the kids, I won’t be held responsbile for the results if you do.

Create a Fart – looking for an e-card with a difference? Try this.

And here is my fave: The Belgian Farting Pig video - I still can’t get the hang of posting YouTube vids on my site, so use the link. It’s well worth the click!

What’s that? You find all this offensive? Hey, if you want a classy blog, go to Great Circle. That guy loves the serious stuff.

You Can’t Have Your Cake … When It’s NOT Cake…

Scanning my fave blogs today, I came across this gem of a story from Genuine – WARNING:This is not for the squeamish or those eating anything that looks like chocolate. Link-clickers click at their own risik…

After reading the anecdote, I got to thinking. I KNOW how a woman would deal with this situation: quickly, expiditiously (just wanted an excuse to use that word), competently, no mess, no fuss.

But how would a GUY deal with it? (Or in Australian: how would a bloke fix this?).

Interested in your thoughts…